Parental Detoxification

(Featuring my 23 year old daughter and college senior, Anitra)

Parental Detoxification: A period of life experience that acts as a treatment to the physical and psychological dependence on parents. (Webster's definition modified by me.)

I left for college with a girl I called my best friend. We went to high school together, and then moved across the country together to attend a black college. She and I still go to the same small school , but it has been two years since we’ve spoken face to face. She made it clear that we could no longer be friends. Being around me, she confessed, made her feel too bad. We used to be so much alike; we had so much in common. But today, she and I live in totally different worlds. I believe we detoxed differently.

This woman, and others, I once called friends seethe with anger and bitterness at the mention of my name. After careful analysis, prayer, and hate letters that made it hard for me to misunderstand, the reasons for this disdain is clear: I escaped. I escaped a life prescribed for me by my culture. I ditched the standard of behavior for young women seeking attention from men. I avoided the sacrifices many girls my age make and opted instead for…Jesus.

I’ll tell this story and then I’ll end this blog. I feel it sums up the relationship I formed with Jesus, and the way He has used my Mother in my life.

After an emotionally supercharged freshman year, I returned to San Diego already tired of the men at my school. I could think of no one but my high school sweetheart, who never officially became my boyfriend, but was always there for me. He was a bad boy…and I loved it. If my Mom only knew the half of what I knew about him, surely she would have heavily sedated me and shipped me to boarding school in Alaska. Of this, I am sure.

Well, I remember one night that summer, we were at his house alone. We were making out. And, to spare you the uncomfortable details, if there was ever a night I was going to lose my virginity, this would have been the night. I had a decision to make, and I didn’t have a lot of time to make it. He and I were both so emotionally invested in one another – so much attraction. A lot of trust. But there was someone I trusted more and I didn’t even realize it until that moment. Utterly desperate for a way of escape, I silently prayed “Lord, help me! I don’t know what to d-” That’s as far as I got with that prayer. At that very moment, something happened that halted the mood instantaneously. My phone rang. And who could be calling me at such a late hour?

“Deary? Deary?” The familiar voice said. “Are you ok? Something told me to call you!”

“I’m on my way home, Mommy.” I nearly shouted.

I grabbed my belongings, and sprinted to my car. Fairly flustered but purity in tact, that night I was very much aware that Jesus had in fact heard me…

That was four years ago. Two years ago, after more detoxification and drama, I gave my life entirely to Christ. What set me apart from so many lost young adults? Looking back, after my Parental Detoxification, there was something that was left refined: the knowledge that Christ was real and He wanted a relationship with me. Somewhere buried deep inside me was sold on the fact that He was Lord and could be counted on to rescue me. At a moment where most girls my age sacrifice themselves in a vain attempt to feel loved, there was an internal force, although not fully cultivated, that was nonetheless persuaded that I was already loved.

So...this is where I am today! Still a virgin, totally persuaded that Jesus is Lord, and utterly addicted to His Word (The Bible). I don’t mind putting my business out there, because I want the testimony shared. It does not make me feel good to know that I am despised because of my salvation; I passionately desire for my “friends” to come into the knowledge of the truth and to be saved! But what I stumbled upon that day was no accident. It was placed there. It was sown.

I imagine my mother out in a garden, not having much of a green thumb, holding five seeds in her hand carefully. She loves her seeds so much, and even in her youth, she is determined to find a way to sow them. She knows the only way to see them successfully born is to plant them. So she searches for the most special soil she can find. Finally finding a field promising eternal life, I see my mom kneel and plant the seeds, one by one. She plants the first one…she's nervous, hoping she did it right. She plants the second one, not sure if she gave it too much water. The third one, she’s got the hang of it. The third and fourth are planted a little more quickly. I see my mom stand back and admire her work, knowing she invested all of herself just to make sure her seeds were settled. She pulls up a chair…and for thirty years she watches these seeds without budging…

Well, Mom, your seeds blossomed! No, the road was not easy. The storms, floods, and droughts along the way threatened to ruin your garden on so many occasions. But you did a fantastic job and the soil of Jesus Christ was enough to give us life, in abundance. I thank you for that, I am eternally grateful to you for that. All five of us are (well, ok. Give the baby a chance, he's just started detoxing!) So as we blog together, as I say, let’s put our business out there! It will help so many understand the family and what Christ has in store for us. What to do, what not to do. But most of all that by dedicating your life to Christ, there is a protective covering that can not be defeated.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge him
And He shall direct your paths”
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)

Leave questions in the comments for more discussion. But most of all, let’s be ready with open hearts to receive, analyze, and improve this wonderful relationship between parents and their children that God has created for us to enjoy. I can honestly say…my Mom is one of my very best friends. It just took a lot of Parental Detoxification in order for me to be able fly out the nest and worship Christ on my own.

Much love,

Anitra